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Go Back   Diapered Anime > terminator101

Conversation Between terminator101 and Liliel
Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 10 of 741
  1. Liliel
    June 18th, 21 03:09 AM
    Liliel
    Hopefully things are going better now.
  2. terminator101
    June 15th, 21 12:23 AM
    terminator101
    Well, AFAIK, the book is not available in audio format (I couldn't find it on Audible.com), so I don't really have a choice. Besides, with a book, I can go through what the author has to say at my own pace. It's not easy for me as you well know with your own experience with this kind of loss. I've just borrowed the book from my local library (Someone else had borrowed it before me, so I had to wait for its return) and started to read it.
  3. Liliel
    April 23rd, 21 05:40 AM
    Liliel
    Never been much for reading XD but hey if it helps hehe.
  4. terminator101
    April 6th, 21 04:46 AM
    terminator101
    I'm glad that possible misunderstanding has been cleared up. It's okay if you don't know what to say. Sometimes having someone to just listen to your problems can be therapeutic for someone who is still grieving.
    o_o

    I've found a website that may appear to be a good resource for helping people who've lost their parents manage [Not overcome] their loss (See -> https://www.joincake.com/blog/losing...lose-together/). Under the section "1. Learn About the Grief Process", it says that "... loss can compound as any grief process may take several months and up to two years for it to resolve. ... Overall you can expect to start feeling better after six months to one year from the time of death." So, it looks like it might possibly take a while (Six months at the least) before I'm able to start to manage [Not overcome] my loss and even longer (Hopefully not two years) before I'm possibly able to fully manage it all and begin to "Move forward" with my life without my parents. It's been four months since my mother passed away but I still feel the loss. It's been nineteen months since my father passed away though during the fifteen months when my mother was still with me, we were able to console one another, so it was easier for me to handle my loss. Now that she's also gone, it's even harder for me to cope with it all. Also, I think that having to take care of my mother at home when she was still with me helped me to "push aside" much of my grief for my father's passing since I needed to concentrate on performing that task. Now that they're both gone, I'm beginning to feel some of that suppressed grief on top of the grief over the loss of my mother.
    o_o

    I've found a book listed under a linked page in the third section "3. Grow Your New Identity" with suggested books on grief that might help me better deal with my loss (See -> https://www.joincake.com/blog/books-on-grief/). The 240 page book is titled "How to Survive the Loss of a Parent: A Guide For Adults" By Lois F. Akner C.S.W. with Cathrine Whitney. I found it for sale on eBay in New condition for $8.48 ($4.99 + $3.49 Shipping -> https://www.ebay.com/itm/How-to-Surv...t/303737465272) and for loan at my local library. I think that I'll borrow it first and read the first few chapters to see whether it can really help me before deciding whether or not to buy it on eBay.
    o_o
  5. Liliel
    April 2nd, 21 07:08 AM
    Liliel
    Its ok I was just answer to best way I could. I'm a particularly odd duck so getting advice of any kind from me is iffy.

    As someone who was diagnosed with depression I totally get ya. Just don't really know what to say.
  6. terminator101
    March 9th, 21 12:40 AM
    terminator101
    Uh, I thought I was looking to others for help when I VM'ed you (LOL)! I was hoping to find some kind of comfort from someone else who also went through what I am going through right now. I'm still trying to figure out how I can cope with the passing of my parents and how can I try to live a normal or near normal life again (I'm tired of being sad everyday when I wake up and have to struggle to live through the given day - That's why I asked you how long did it take you to manage [Not overcome] your loss. I was hoping to get some kind of insight as to possibly how long it would take me to manage my losses - Just a rough estimate, as I'm aware that not everyone manages loss this personal within the same amount of time [I hope you know what I'm talking about]).

    I hope that you didn't misunderstand or misinterpret the latter part of my VM - I wasn't trying to solicit any money from you when I said "... In the meantime, I'm living off of my dwindling life savings. ...", how hard it is to find a decent job that will pay a living wage and "I need a miracle to save me.". I was just stating the facts (UBI [You've heard of it, right?] would be one of the miracles that could help save me. Of course, a programming job would be the best for me). I'm sorry if I inadvertently made you feel uncomfortable.
    o_o

    BTW - At one point in my life, I was near having Depression (Or at least I had a mild form of it. I think I mentioned that to you in one of my PMs). My doctor had suggested that I try Zoloft but when I saw its side effects (Among them, mood or behavior changes, confusion, sudden loss of consciousness, unusual or sudden body or facial movements or postures, decreased sexual desire or ability and fast talking and excited feelings or actions that are out of control), I declined a trial prescription.
  7. Liliel
    March 5th, 21 03:34 PM
    Liliel
    Its in situations like this that you need to look to others for help. Be it emotionally or if needed financially. That second one should only be considered if your really in need and have trustworthy family or friends. Unfortunately at this point though I don't really know what else to say. I'm not very experienced with working or living alone so I don't really have any advice to give. I'm sorry.
  8. terminator101
    March 2nd, 21 12:23 AM
    terminator101
    I'm starting to feel the pressures and challenges of living alone all by myself. I have to take care of everything myself. A lot of things I can manage but there's also a lot that I can't at the present. I'm still not good at cooking from scratch (My mother and/or father used to do most of the cooking) - It's mainly been canned, instant and/or frozen foods for me. I can make Sloppy Joes with ground beef, canned mixed vegetables and a can of Manwich sloppy Joe Sauce or tuna salad sandwiches if I had the time but nothing too elaborate like beef stew from scratch using Beef Tenderloin, fresh vegetables and beef stock. I think that I can make spaghetti and ground beef with bottled spaghetti sauce but I haven't tried doing that yet though.

    Actually, you're the third person who has given me that advice in one form or the other. To sum it all up, I was advised that I need something to keep my mind busy so that I don't constantly think about and grieve my losses which is not an easy thing to do (For me especially since my losses are still fairly recent). I really want to work as a programmer again (Not just work at any manual labor job) but I've been unemployed for so long that my skills are now obsolete and the hiring companies are even more demanding than before. It's a "Buyer's market" for them. They want experienced candidates who are willing to work cheap even at the entry level positions. I'm willing to work for the minimum market rate for entry level programmers but I don't have any work experience using the latest in-demand languages (Learning them is not enough - Employers demand at least one years experience working on a project). Also, I think that in general because of the pandemic, it's hard to find a decent job that will pay a living wage (e.g. - A delivery person, sales or cashier position, though high in demand, would not adequately support anyone, not to mention that there's the added risk of possible infection). In the meantime, I'm living off of my dwindling life savings. I feel that life is really terrible for me right now with no hope of relief in immediate sight. I need a miracle to save me.
  9. Liliel
    March 1st, 21 09:02 AM
    Liliel
    I've never lived alone but that's partly because of my health issues but mostly because I suffer from depression and after being alone to long I get really bad. Aside from having my family there for me since we live near each other and having Jen with me I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about it any longer then needed. I know it's not great advice but it's how I do things.
  10. terminator101
    February 23rd, 21 12:41 AM
    terminator101
    When I lost my father eighteen months ago in August 2019, it was hard but I still had my mother with me and we would console each other. Now that my mother has passed away for almost three months since November, 27 of last year (Right after Thanksgiving and before Christmas & New Year's Day), life is very hard for me now. I live all alone by myself (My sister lives in another state with her husband and two sons). Have you ever lived alone [physically] by yourself? I'm very sad around the time of each of my parents' death. It's even harder for me at the time of my mother's death since it's during the holidays when everyone else supposedly celebrates the time to be with their family. In the beginning, how did you handle the holidays without your mother with you? Right now, it seems like everyday is a struggle for me to continue on. I'm very tired of being sad all the time. I hope that eventually with the passing of time, the sadness won't hurt as much and I can find some true happiness in my life again. I have found that the old saying "Time heals all wounds" is not really true. IMHO, it should be more like "Time lessens all wounds".

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