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Mario C Davis 1977 Mario C Davis 1977 is offline

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Visitor Messages

Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 10 of 26
  1. Mario C Davis 1977
    July 30th, 16 03:59 AM
    Mario C Davis 1977
    Chapter 1 will be up soon after I finish working some key characters in another story in to it. Then figure out how
    to bridge them all together.
  2. Mario C Davis 1977
    July 27th, 16 03:54 AM
    Mario C Davis 1977
    to the ones who have read my story here i chose to pull it and rework it some. I'll re-post it once I get it fixed to my liking and it should be better. I also have two other stories that are linked to my first story.
  3. Mistress
    June 22nd, 15 12:26 AM
    Mistress
    I'm sorry for your loss, truly.
  4. Shanatan2131
    June 21st, 15 05:15 AM
    Shanatan2131
    I'm sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do to help?
  5. AmaraDash19
    March 17th, 15 03:45 AM
    AmaraDash19
    You should be able to go to your story and click edit.
  6. AmaraDash19
    March 17th, 15 03:27 AM
    AmaraDash19
    I'm not answering that. I don't give out private information to strangers.
  7. Mistress
    March 12th, 15 08:19 PM
    Mistress
    apologies, haven't been feeling well lately which I why I haven't been on/communicated much lately.

    If you look at books and other pieces of writing, you'll see that there's rarely any paragraphs with more than one character speaking in it. This is done to help the reader keep track of who is speaking.

    Another issue seems to be how you do a time jump at the end of your chapter, and than it gets hard to follow from there. What is the need to explain the character's future right away when you intend to explore their past through more chapters?
  8. Mistress
    January 10th, 15 02:30 AM
    Mistress
    What's your Deviant Art account?

    I'll be honest, your work has a number of problems from what I'm seeing.

    -Multiple people talking in the same paragraph
    -Story speed is way to fast and jumps all over the timeline
    -Chapter 1 is just short.

    Ways you can fix this:

    -Introduce the characters in chapter 1. Don't do it like a bio though, do it in the story one at a time and stick to things like appearance (Hair/eye color, size, clothes) and little things about how they act/their personalities.

    -Include character expressions every once in a while, helps the readers mentally picture it better.

    -Put in a bit more detail of their movements. "He walked down the hallway to the nurses office." Instead, use this: "He stomped down the hallway towards the nurse's office, unhappy about his accident. His mood hadn't improved by the time he arrive."

    -Expand upon how the characters feel (like above sentence).

    -Just add a bit more content to the story/chapter.

    Hope this helps.
  9. Mistress
    January 7th, 15 02:48 AM
    Mistress
    I don't see them in the approval section...tell me, did you increase the length of your chapters? Might be why the mods deleted it/them.
  10. Mistress
    October 22nd, 14 04:50 PM
    Mistress
    Character speech is usually identified by being between these; "". For example...

    "That's okay, I have a spare change of clothes in the nurse's office." Nichole said.

    I'd suggest reading some of the stories on this site, specifically those written by people who have their own section, and you'll be able to see what's expected of posters. I'm trying to get a rule list in regards to what's expected of stories approved, but have had little luck thus far.

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    I'm a Special Olympic athlete with 29 Medals in all.
    I've been to the US National Games for Special Olympics and brought home one of the 30 gold medals to South Carolina.
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    Back Woods Country
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  • Last Activity: July 30th, 16 04:04 AM
  • Join Date: July 21st, 14
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