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View Full Version : Anyone wanna proofread my story?


konakona
August 13th, 08, 06:54 AM
Yo! I just wrote this draft for a story and want to know what you all think, oh and one of my associates recently informed me that Karen and Karin aren't the same name.

I don't have a title yet.

Critiques welcome.

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“Hahaha! Wow Yui, that was hilarious!” Karin said while laughing uncontrollably from her friends bed.

“Shut up!” snapped Yui as she replaced her soaked diaper with a new fresh one. Earlier that day, as Yui prepared to go home from school, her friend Karin thought it would’ve been funny to scare her a bit. As Yui finished taking things out of her locker, Karin creeped up and her and let loose a giant “RAWWWR!”

Yui was really shocked to have a 14 year old girl jump at her growling like some sort of monster, so shocked that she actually wet herself. Yui now had to walk all the way home in a soaked diaper, at the very least her friend didn’t abandoned her. Karin was kind of enough to keep Yui company as she walked home with a wet diaper.

“Hehehehe…sorry! Sorry! It’s just that I didn’t expect you to wet your diaper!” apologized Karin, although she didn’t make much of an attempt to sound apologetic. Yui just responded with just an angry look.

“Hey! Hey! Relax!” Karin jumped up from Yui’s bed, “If it’s any consolation, my diapers clean!” She lifted her skirt and proudly showed her pink character print diaper.

Karin and Yui were a couple of friends who both shared the distinction of wearing diapers despite their age. However, one thing that separated them was that while Karin only wore for fun, Yui had trouble with wetting. This made Yui quite self-conscious and rather shy. By contrast, Karin was quite out going and energetic. She had quite an ambitious personality and enjoyed taking certain risks for the fun of it. She liked the thrill of wearing diapers in public, knowing that she could get caught at anytime. They were quite the opposites but were the closes of friends.

Karin walked over to Yui, who was sitting on the ground after she finished taping on her new diaper. She bent down and patted Yui on the head.

“There, there…” Karin said with a smile, trying to comfort her friend. She then moved forward gave Yui a small kiss on the forehead. Both of the girls’ faces began to turn a light shade of red. Yui’s angry frown began to transform in to a little smile.

“Ha! Is baby all better?” asked Karin. At that moment Yui grabbed the closes stuffed animal available to her and smacked Karin in the face. Karin lost her balanced and fell on to floor like a building that was hit by a missile.

Yui stood up, straightened the wrinkles from her dress and said “Don’t call me a baby!”
Karin sat up and rebelliously screamed “Baby! Baby! Baby!” At that moment the stuffed animal that knocked her down in the first place had struck her in the face with incredible force.

“I am not a baby!” reinforced Yui. She then crossed her arms and proudly announced “I’m a beautiful young woman!”
As if she was begging for more abuse, Karin sat back up jokingly scoffed “A young woman in diapers?! Ha!” Upon hearing this Yui abandoned her polite and proper demeanor and tackled the already fallen Karin. She began to voraciously tickle her friend halfway to death.

“What are you then, huh?!” mocked Yui, still tickling at full force.

“Hahahahaha! No! Hahaha! Please! Haha! Stop!” sputtered Karin, unable to make a full sentence.

“So? Am I a baby?!” Yui asked with a menacing smile.

“Haha! Y- Hahaha!” Karin was unable to scream a jeering ‘yes’ due to the ferocity of the tickling.
After enduring the long tickle torture, Karin eventually surrendered and spouted “Haha! Okay! You win! You win! Stop it!”

Yui’s ferocious tickle on Karin had finally ended. Yui got off of Karin and smoothed the wrinkles from her dressed, returning to her typical demeanor.

“You want a drink?” offered Yui as a sign of kindness.

“Sure,” Karin stammered, still on the floor exhausted from her ordeal. Yui left to fetch her friend a cold drink. When Yui return to her room with 2 cups of ice tea, Karin had already gotten off the floor and was sitting on Yui’s bed, reading their middle school year book.

“Here,” Yui handed Karin a glass of ice tea and sat down beside her. Both girls took a few sips of their tea. Yui placed her cup on the side table and rested her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“You’know Yui,” said Karin, “I never knew you could be so…vicious.” Yui lifted her head turned away to hide her embarrassed red face.

“Yes, well…” Yui said quietly, unable to come up with a decent explanation. She was quite embarrassed that she lost all control of herself and assaulted her friend. Yui was a really shy and timid person, especially since she had a bladder control issue. In fact, when being made fun of her diapers, it was always Karin that came to her rescue and defended her from bullies.

“That kinda fun, you’know? Being all helpless like that,” said Karin as she was thumbed through the year book.

“Really?” said Yui, turning her head to face Karin.

“Yeah! Hey you know, I just bought this set of time release locks!”

“What? For what?!” asked Yui, looking really confused.

“Self-bondage of course!” Karin loudly announced. Yui just looked at Karin with a sense of disbelief and confusion.

She took a long sip of her tea rested her head on Karin’s shoulder.

“You’re really weird,” Yui said with a smile as she rested on Karin’s shoulder. Karin was a girl with exotic interests to say the least; in addition to wearing diapers, she was also a bit of a bondage practitioner.

“I think I’ll stay for a few more minuets, okay?” said Karin.

Yui responded with a simple “Uh-huh.” They both sat there and reminisced about their middle school years, how they first met, all the times Karin defended her from bullies, all the crazy shit Karin got in trouble for.

Yui was really comfortable on Karin’s shoulder, she felt a lovely warm feeling emanating from Karin. Yui’s feeling of comfort, however, lead to her neglecting to pay more attention to her bladder. At first, Yui didn’t really notice, but soon enough her wet diaper caught her attention.

“Ahh!” cried Yui upon noticing her wet diaper

Karin turned her head and calmly asked “Huh? Hey, whats wrong?”

“Eh?! N-n-n-n-nothing!” stammered Yui, overcome with embarrassment. She desperately tried to hide her embarrassment as not to raise suspicion, but it was too little, too late.

“You just had an accident, didn’t you?” Karin asked with an inquisitive little smile.

“N-N-N-NO!” Yui yelled with a red face and eyes tearing up.

“I knew it! Baby couldn’t hold it!” mocked Karin, ever the glutton for punishment.

“Shut up! GET OUT!” Tears were streaming down Yui’s cheeks.

“Okay, okay! I gotta go home anyway!” Karin said while laughing, seemingly unable to grasp the seriousness oh the situation. Yui escorted her friend to the front door.

Wanting to get one more little joke in, she turned around and said “See ya later! Try better to hold it in, okay baby?”

This was it. Yui abandoned what ever gentleness her refined upbringing instilled and ripped Karin’s skirt off, exposing Karin’s diaper to the world.

“What the- ?!” Yui pushed Karin out of her housed locked the door behind.


Karin was on the ground stunned. She quickly got up and banged on the door,
“Yui! Open up!” she pleaded, but Yui wasn’t listening.

“I suggest you walk home quickly! Unless you want everyone to see YOUR diapers!” screamed Yui in anger. She then stormed off to her room, leaving her friend high and dry.

Karin couldn‘t believe what was happening, she futilely banged on the door again and again to no response. She, in lack of a better term, was fucked.

“I guess, I went a little bit too far,” Karin said to herself, beginning to regret her decision to test her best friend’s limits. Karin was currently out in the open, in nothing but her t-shirt, her sneakers, and her diaper. Her pink, character print diaper. She quickly pulled down her shirt in an attempt to hide her diaper, but it was still clearly visible. She nervously scanned the street to see if anyone was near by. Luckily, there wasn’t anyone on the street to see her in her current condition.

“What’ll I do?!” she thought to herself. It was a long ten minute walk to her house, more than enough time for her to be spotted by anyone. She decided that it’d be best to do something rather than just stand there, so she quickly dashed behind Yui’s neighbors’ bushes. There she tried to formulate some sort of route that she could take to minimize her chances of getting caught. The only shortcut she could think of was through the woods by the school, even then that would only take a minute or two off her long, long walk.

Oh F*** it!” she thought to herself. The only thing she could do is run, and hope that no one saw her, so that’s what she did. She mustered up all the courage she had within her and got up ran as fast as she could.

“Oh man! Oh man! Oh man!” she kept saying to herself as she ran down the street with her shirt pulled down in a vain attempt to hide her diaper. Most of her little dash was luckily uneventful. The streets didn’t have many people and most were too busy to pay attention to her. As she neared the school she heard an unsettling noise. It was a group of her fellow classmates. At this point Karin started to panic, she knew how cruel a group of girls can be, especially after all those times she stood up for Yui. She ducked behind a car hoping not to be seen. Her heart was began beating fast as it could, and began beating even faster as the girls came closer. Luckily for her, the grouped walked by with out as so much as a glance. Karin let loose a sigh of relief, her secret was safe, or so she thought.

“Umm…Hello?”
Karin jumped at the shock of a small voice coming behind her. She quickly turned around and discovered a little girl, probably no older than five years old.

“H-Hi there,” Karin stammered nervously. Karin wasn’t too worried seeing as it was just a young girl she didn’t know, but she still was majorly embarrassed to be seen in her diapers.

“Why are you wearing diapers?” asked the young girl out of curiosity. Karin stammered as she tried to think of what to tell the little girl.

“Are you playing pretend?” asked the little girl.

“Yes! I’m, uhh, playing pretend!” Karin said nervously.

“Oh, okay,” said the little girl “Those are really cute diapers! My mommy said I don’t need diapers anymore, that I am big girl now! It makes me feels happy to be a big girl now!” Karin became really red in the face upon hearing this.

“Erhhmm….I really gotta go!” Karin said trying to escape the conversation.

“Okay! Bye! I’m gonna tell my mommy that I saw a big girl that in diapers!” said little girl before going back to her playing.
Karin really felt embarrassed, sure it probably didn’t matter, but the fact that some else was going to learn her secret really made her feel uneasy.
She eventually made it to the woods by the school. Here she felt safe and eased up her guard. Instead of running, she decided to walk at a slower pace, she also didn’t bother to hide her diapers under her shirt. The woods were really peaceful and quiet, there wasn’t much noise other than the birds and distance sounds from the baseball game happening at the school. As she calmly walked through the woods, she suddenly felt the sudden urge to pee. As if it was part of Yui’s plan for revenge, the tea began filling Karin’s bladder.

“I can’t believe it!” thought Karin, “Why NOW?!” Karin was in quite a predicament, she couldn’t remove the diaper because if she did she’s be walking around bottomless, which of course would be even worse. Karin was now seriously regretting saying those things to Yui. Karin’s pace slowed to accommodate her urge to pee. Eventually, she couldn’t hold it anymore, she had to pee. Karin squatted behind a large tree and peed in her diaper. Though Karin often wore diapers for fun, she rarely ever actually used them. She now felt more helpless than ever, a girl who’s wet diaper was in plain view of anyone who happened across her.
When she exited the woods she continued to run -albeit slower due to her filled diaper- to house, with her shirt pulled down.
Finally she made it to the safety of her house, upon entering she bolted straight to her room and locked the door. She sat down on the floor in front of her room’s door, trying to relax after her long journey.

“Oh my god” Karin said in between her heavied breaths. Karin’s emotion were very mixed up, she was tired, scared, embarrassed, worried, and… turned on? After reaching the safety of her home and having some time to relax and think her ordeal over, she realized how much she enjoyed it! The thrill of almost getting caught, the humiliation of having to wet her diaper, it was all so exciting! She began rubbing herself through her wet diapers, reminiscing about her embarrassing adventure through the neighborhood.
Just then she, was startled by a knock at her door.

“Hun, you okay?” it was her mom checking up on her.

“Y-yeah, mom I‘m fine!” Karin nervously said while being taken completely off guard.

“Oh, okay honey. I’m just coming to remind you that your father and I are going gone this weekend. We’re leaving on Friday and we’ll be back on Monday,”

“Gotcha!” responded Karin. She complete forgot about her parents’ vacation. After making sure her mom was no longer outside of her room, Karin got up and walked to her bed. She kneeled down and pulled from beneath her a bed a large green duffle bag. She unzip the bag and inside was a cache of diapers and bondage items! Diapers, pacifiers, ropes, handcuffs, her knew time locks, the works
“This is weekend is gonna be awesome!” thought Karin as she visualized the weekend to come.

Meanwhile, Yui was having second thoughts about what she just did to her best friend.

“It’s not like she didn’t ask for it right?!” said Yui to her beloved teddy, Mr. Dibbs. Mr. Dibbs just silently looked back at her, but she understood what he was trying to say.

“I mean, told her not call me a baby!” said Karin to Mr. Dibbs, hoping to justify her actions. Mr. Dibbs only responded with the same expression.

“Well, I guess she was only playing around, it’s not like she wanted to hurt my feelings…” Yui began to turn red with guilt, “…and she is always there for me when all the other girls make fun of me.” Mr. Dibbs message was starting to sink in. Yui sat there and began to reflect upon what she had done.

“ I’m horrible! I can’t believe I did that to my best friend!” Yui’s eyes began to fill with tears. She grabbed Mr. Dibbs and held him tight.

“She must absolutely hate me!” screamed little Yui, tears streaming across he red face. After crying for a little, she wiped her tears and looked back at her teddy. Mr. Dibbs silently stared back at his red face, slowly comforting her.

“You’re right, I should definitely apologize,” Yui said back to her little bear. She looked around her room, as if to make sure no one was looking .
Yui then tightly hugged her old friend and quietly whispered “Thanks for listening,” and lightly kissed him on the cheek.

The next day at school, Yui confronted Karin. Karin was busy looking through her locker when Yui came to apologize.

“Ummm…Karin,” Yui said, tapping Karin’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Oh! Hi Yui!” said Karin cheerfully, acting as if nothing had happened the day before.

“I‘m sorry for yesterday, I completely over reacted…” Yui meekly said as she looked down at her shoes, unable to look at her friend in the eyes.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. To be honest it was kinda fun,” Karin said reassuringly. Yui lifted her head and looked at Karin with a sense of disbelief, “fun”? Having everyone see your diaper was fun? Even after being friends for a long time, Yui still thought that Karin was a little weird.

“Um, is there anything I can do to make up for it?” said Yui after getting over her disbelief.

“Hmm…anything?” Karin asked.

“Uhhh… yeah, anything,” Yui said nervously. She knew that Karin would never do anything too mean, but she was still scared at what Karin might ask her to do. Karin did have really weird interest after all.

“Hmmm…” she thought to herself of what she could do, then suddenly an idea came to her.

“I know what you can do to make it up, my parents won‘t be home during the holiday, you wanna stay the whole weekend?” Karin asked.

“Oh, uh, of course!” Yui said a bit caught off guard. She was expecting something a lot more weird and humiliating, but a simple sleep over? That wasn’t bad at all! Yui felt a weight lifted from her chest.

“Okay, come over my place this weekend,” said Karin as she grabbed the last of her books from her locker.

“I gotta go, see you third!” Karin said as she ran to class.

“Boy, did I get off lucky,” Yui thought to herself. She was expecting to be tied up and tickled to death or end up going to a concert dressed as a bear! Yui felt very relieved that all she had to do was to sleep over at Karin’s. However little did she know what surprises Karin had planned for her.

traveler
August 13th, 08, 09:04 PM
its a good story, I can't wait for the next addison of it :)

Mistress
August 13th, 08, 09:37 PM
I agree, it's very well written, please post it and continue writing.

Favselector
August 13th, 08, 11:46 PM
I also enjoyed this

hope you'll continue it ^_^

moonkel
September 7th, 08, 03:19 PM
I really enjoy this.
It´s a good story
Keep it up

kellman
September 7th, 08, 03:45 PM
you are really good
i want more

ChaosDX
September 7th, 08, 06:31 PM
This is awesome! Keep it up! :)

ccjd
October 2nd, 08, 01:50 AM
this is a very well planned and thought out story. please continue working on it, for i am very anxious to hear the rest.