Thanks and i view you as a caring sister.

I'm sorry for your loss, truly.

I have been busy and hadn't posted new chapters to my story for a while. You see the reason was my mom was sick. It was to the point she spent a month in the hospital. Only to come home and die a week and a day later. Two days ago I posted chapters 9 and 10. It will be a while until I get chapters 11-18 up but keep looking for them as they come.

I have removed the time jump and renamed Chapter 1 the Beginning.
Added some key info about their dad and mom. that info would be like their names and their jobs. And with the changes I made it flows better with the rest of the story.

apologies, haven't been feeling well lately which I why I haven't been on/communicated much lately.

If you look at books and other pieces of writing, you'll see that there's rarely any paragraphs with more than one character speaking in it. This is done to help the reader keep track of who is speaking.

Another issue seems to be how you do a time jump at the end of your chapter, and than it gets hard to follow from there. What is the need to explain the character's future right away when you intend to explore their past through more chapters?

I reworked it as i said back on the 27th of February and it's still awaiting approval but I've reworked since then again and renamed it.

I've reworked chapter 1 by adding eye and hair colors. As for more then one person talking in a paragraph that's harder to clean up. But if you would like to help me out I'd love it.

My deviant art account is davismario1977

What's your Deviant Art account?

I'll be honest, your work has a number of problems from what I'm seeing.

-Multiple people talking in the same paragraph
-Story speed is way to fast and jumps all over the timeline
-Chapter 1 is just short.

Ways you can fix this:

-Introduce the characters in chapter 1. Don't do it like a bio though, do it in the story one at a time and stick to things like appearance (Hair/eye color, size, clothes) and little things about how they act/their personalities.

-Include character expressions every once in a while, helps the readers mentally picture it better.

-Put in a bit more detail of their movements. "He walked down the hallway to the nurses office." Instead, use this: "He stomped down the hallway towards the nurse's office, unhappy about his accident. His mood hadn't improved by the time he arrive."

-Expand upon how the characters feel (like above sentence).

-Just add a bit more content to the story/chapter.

Hope this helps.

but I'll try to resubmit them