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Leon XIII Leon XIII is offline

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Visitor Messages

Showing Visitor Messages 1 to 6 of 6
  1. Dragon emperor
    March 27th, 20 12:40 PM
    Dragon emperor
    It’s fine man if you change your mind please contact me
  2. Dragon emperor
    March 22nd, 20 08:55 PM
    Dragon emperor
    Would you like to do a rp with buddy from dinosaur train getting put in diapers
  3. colboxthesecond
  4. Sheamachost
    September 24th, 11 12:05 AM
    Sheamachost
    "One day, at the household of Jancid,E.D,the Veemon,was taking a shower."

    This is just your opening sentence alone. Let's take a look. I count four commas in a single sentence still not separated by spaces. This occurs many places from what I saw. I am certainly not the best person to ask about grammar but even I know that is not right.

    Still the biggest problem in your work was the lack of much of any description at all. I remember a good bit of Digimon but even I couldn't get a solid picture of these characters. More so than that is I had almost no idea the setting in which this was occurring at all. Without any description on your part as the writer how could I?

    Also the plot is weak at best. It really feels like you didn't try to give the characters life or make even the diaper content, a rather important element when posting here, stand out at all or give any reason for us reader a reason to get into it. Overall it felt rushed and as though you didn't try.
  5. Sheamachost
    September 21st, 11 09:58 PM
    Sheamachost
    First of all you raped the comma. I am not the greatest at grammar but you needn't put them all over the place. Read your work back to yourself and when you hit a natural pause insert a comma. Also you need to put a space after any comma you use.

    This is an example

    You did: Things,stuff,items,and yeah
    It should be: Things, stuff, items, and yeah

    Now also as I said you need to take into account that while you may be writing fan fiction you should try and detail your scenes, characters, and the world itself in a way that newcomers can get into it. Another thing I spotted is, now I don't know this series, however I doubt they drop terms like diaperspace and AB/DL. Try to introduce those kind of elements in a way that is logical to whatever series you are working with.

    Those are some good things to start with for sure.
  6. Sheamachost
    September 21st, 11 03:05 PM
    Sheamachost
    Which story in particular? I have been going through offering advice to many people lately.

About Me

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    I don't wear diapers in real life,but I do like diapered cartoons. I'm a fanfiction.Net Author,video game freak,and fan of Redwall.
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    My own site dedicated to diapered cartoons(not owned by diapered anime):http://cartoonsanddiapers.webs.com/

    By the way,does anyone know where I can see episodes of dino babies besides youtube and rutube?

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  • Last Activity: January 20th, 21 09:48 PM
  • Join Date: December 11th, 10
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