I felt annoyed at first whenever Madeline still insisted on using her invented phrase 'security panties' although that might be usual if I ever had to discuss them discreitly in public. At least after that she seemed to have second thoughts and called them what they were, Pull-ups. Here I was walking around in a pull-up like some potty training toddler. Except it was worse than that really, I wasn't even potty training. Woud I ever get my control back? Maybe I should ask Colette if there was a Doctor I could see?
I snapped my attention back to what Madelin was saying.
"Okay, thanks, you've been a big help." I told her apprechaitively but even after her in depth brief and thoughtout strategy I wasn't feeling entirely confident, how on earth was I going to keep this a secert? There would be some angle Madeline hadn't figured out, somehow someone would fine out and I'd be bullied for the rest of my time at the school.

"I don't think I can do this." I said anxious faced as I shoulder the bookbag. I really didn't want to go to school. Someone was going to find out, they were bound to. Someone who wasn't kind and understanding like Colette, Madeline and Inez. However the clock was ticking closer and closer to the time we needed to leave and I really couldn't think of a good excuse that would mean I didn't have to go.

"She's feeling nervous."Madeline spoke to Colette, then turned to Jo. "Yes you can Jo, it might be tough at first but you'll get through it. Just take a deep breath. We'll be here for you." She was wondering what exactly she could say. That there was no way anyone could find out about Jo's diapers, or that they wouldn't ridicule if they did would be nice, but that wasn't the case. Nor could she assure her of doing well in school, even if Jo was up to snuff with her academics (Madeline honestly wasn't sure of that) it would all be french.

Colette seemed to have a better idea of how to calm down the child. She walked over and put her arms around the girl. "I love you Jo. You can do this, you must. I promise it is for the best." She rubbed the girls back as she spoke.

I don't know If Colette had every had kids before but she really seemed to have genuine motherly instincts, she always knew just what to do.
I felt my knees weaken as she placed her arms around me and I threw mine around her waist for support as I let myself sink into her embrace.
"I'm scared." I whimpered in whisper.
I wasn't just scared about going to school on diapers, or the fact I might not be able to keep up with the rest of the class, or even that I might get a hostile reaction from people just because I was foreign. I was scared because my how life had been turned upside down and now all the paths and plans I had mapped out for myself in something I called a future, now all looked so distant, the new paths imedately before me so different... foreign.
But I wasn't alone right? There were people to help show me the way.
I inhaled deeply and freed myself from the hug.
"Okay, I'm going to try."
I wondered embrassedly what on earth Madelin must have thought of the public display of affection and my distinctly juvinle anxieties about the first day of school.

"Good for you Jo, I know you'll suceed." Madeline spoke with optimism she didn't feel. She was really glad she wasn't Jo today. There was allot to be nervous about, more than most kids faced going to a new school.

Colette smiled. "Glad you feel better Jo. Now why don't you pick up your sack and we can all be on our way." They were leaving later than Colette had planned, but that was okay, they'd still have time. She gestured towards the bag.

"I left most of the supplies in your room Jo, with your bras and stuff if you need them later. Colette wants to get started, adn I'd say we're set." Madeline smiled and shouldered her own bag, before politely picking up Colettes and Jos' bags which she held out for them to take. Colette quickly grasped hers, which was much thicker and heavier than either girls bag, then turned to Jo.

I hefted my own satchel, feeling like it somehow physically represented a sense of commitment and resolve I had invoked in myself. Well I had told myself I would at least get to the front door.
We actually got alot further than that.
We passed down the lanes towards the village, all the pretty wild flowers dotting colour in the grassy banks and birds singing in the hedgerows. All the bright warm fragerant Summer morning helped to make me feel more optimistic, if only all school mornings could have been like this.
We passed the spot where Colette said she had found me, I stared at it longfully, trying to remember and peice together exactly what had happened that night but Colette hurried me on.
Then before I knew it we were at the school gates, other children also making there way around us into the school, some of them noticing the new girl they had recognised from Church or just heard rumours about. I felt a unease prick my skin and turn my stomach as my steps became heavier. I took Colette's hand and gripped it tight.

Colette squezed back when she felt Jo's hand. "Welcome to St. Catherines. I hope you like it here Jo." Colette alwasy felt a little stronger on the school grounds, here she was doing what she'd trained to do, filling her role in the universe. And here she could give people who cheesed her off detention. That was also good.

Madeline decided to try distracting Jo, and luckily there was somthing perfect for it. "See that Jo?" She pointed to the right side of the school. There on the wall was a mural, a women with red hair dressed in armor stood. She was leaning on her sword, as if weary from battle, her face one of both determined resolve and resignation. "Joan of Arc. Supposedly St. Catherine was the one who inspired and guided her throughout her life, appearing to her in visions and such. That was painted by one of the students like five years ago. He apparently found her story fascinating. He actually painted several saints at various spots around the school, but that's my favorite."

I'd never heard of St Catherine, I didn't know many saints to begin with but I hoped she wasn't an important one. Actually about the only saints I had heard of were the ones who had featured in the Bible, i.e. St Mary, St Peter, St Joseph, etc and St Geogre and St Patrick, but they were Patron Saints for England and Ireland so it was difficult not to hear about them.

"She looks kinda like you." I told Madeline after thoughtfully studying the mural for moment. "Probably just the red hair." I grinned but silently I also acknowleged it was ther determination as well. It was a good painting for someone who must have still been a child before leaving, incredible how human emotion could be captured in paint, I certainly couldn't have done it. A building yes, I knew how to give a sense of live and movement through use of line and inclusion of human elements. I knew how to create a sense of space through tone and shading. I knew how to create a sense of awe through composition and colour and scale. But a person, that was much different than drawing a building. Whenever I had tried to draw people they looked like photographs, technically accurate, but you always wondered what they were thinking, where they were going, it was difficult to read them taken out of time and context as they were. In a painting the subject was the context, you didn't need to know Joan of Arc's story, everything that mattered to the artists intentions was written in her face.

Madeline grinned at Jo. "Thanks Jo." She noticed Colette looking at them. "Sorry, just showing Jo Joan. Where to next."

Colette nodded. "The headmistresses office. I need to tell her Jo is enrolling in my class. She no doubt expects it after yesterday, but I still should talk to her. You can meet us in a minute, she probably won't want to many people there." The headmistress was a fairly cantankerous lady, although given she managed an understaffed, underfunded school in a small town where teen alchoholism wasn't uncommon, she had reason to be.

Madeline turned to Jo. "Jo, Colette's going to take you to the headmisstress. She speaks english so you won't need me. I'll see you later. Oh, and Jo...not to scare you, but she is strict, so be careful to be polite. Call her mam or headmistress, keep your answers short, and above all don't yell, she hates yelling. See you." And with one last smile Madeline parted their company while Colette lead Jo into the building towards the headmisstress's office.

I had to sort of bite my tongue, I was about to comment on how it was great it was the headmistress was fortunatly an English speaker but then came Madeline's warning about her strict demenour and all I could manage was an, "Okay. Thanks for the heads up. I'll see you later." and lifted my hand in a shoulder high wave goodbye.
'
As we trundled towards the headmisstress's office, well I say 'trundled' there was plenty of clamour from all the other students around the school hurrying to their classes, but as my satchel bounced against my hip I could feel the soft padding of my pull-ups and wipes beneath the old leather, I was sure their was the loud crinkling of plastic coming from my bag with each step but no one else seemed to notice except for me, if anyone did notice they probably thought it was just a plastic bag filled with lunch or a folded up raincoat.
Anyway where was I? Oh yes, As I was lead towards the Headmistresses's office I wondered why Madeline mentioned the head of the shool didn't like yelling, I had no intention to be quarlsome nor did I expect I would be having a lengthly conversation, but this was a woman I wanted to keep on my sweet side since she was amoungst that rare and crucial number of Anglo-French speakers on whom I currently depended on.
I licked my lips as we approached the door and prepared to be my best.

Colette opened the door and led Jo into the office of Headmisstress Belda. The office was dominated by the womens imposing black desk and high backed black chair. In front of it were a set of two grey chairs (with two extra's off to the side) with shorter legs than usual, making the person siting in them feel small in front of the desk. There were several filing cabinets and on one wall a picture of a hunter standing proudly over a dead fawn.

Belda was herself a large imposing lady, with a tall muscular frame, black hair peppered with grey streaks, a conservative black dress, and a pair of spectacles. Her face was starting to show the beginings of wrinkles. She wore no expression, as if the intruders to her office were of no importance. "Colette, and I take it this is the english girl I hear so much about?"

"Yes this is Jo, she's staying with me for now. I wanted to enroll her in my class, if that's okay with you." Colette didn't let it show, but she always felt just a bit less sure of herself when speaking with the headmistress, as if she was being judged and found wanting.

"Of course, I would not brook a child being truant. If you had not asked I would have brought it up myself. But now I think I should speak to her about the rules of this school. I'll send her to your classroom when I am finished." And with that Colette was dismissed. She gave Jo a quick smile then left the room.

The headmistress turned her piercing eyes to Jo. "Hello Josephine. It appears you will be joining us for the near future. I trust you find this acceptable?" She said this in a tone that seemed to imply that if Jo didn't find it acceptable, it would be a sign of some fault on her part.