Friends, ladies, gents, herms and intersex individuals, dogs, cats, lions, mammals, reptiles; I would like to welcome you all to the return of "The Angry Diaper Story Nerd"
As a bit of a history, this review series started on ADISC, and has garnered a large amount of praise from newbies, moderators, long time contributors, and just about everyone else who's seemed to read it. It boasts a 30k view count; an impressive feat I'm quite proud of. I've decided, though, that I'm going to bring this series to Diapered Anime for a few reasons. Firstly, the reviews section is abysmally small. Secondly, I think this site could use something to stir it up. Finally, I've been slowly making this into my new padding-related-home, and if home is where the heart is I may as well post on here what my heart tells me to; and it's beckoning forth to post here!
Here's how this works; I find a story from somewhere on the internet. It could be from here, it could be from somewhere else, or it could be suggested to me by one of you. Wherever it comes from, it comes from. If possible, links will be provided, but some of these stories are no longer on the web. It's the unfortunate truth of the world that, sometimes, people decide to remove their content, or their content is removed for them. I'll take a harsh, critical look at the passage in a very AVGN or Nostalgia Critic esque way, and proceed to examine the good and the bad parts about said tale. I'll break it down into categories, and judge it from there. At the end, I give a number rating out of ten, and from there the review is over.
Some of these stories will be short! Some of them will be really, really long, and thus I'll have to abridge them. Anything that I'm saying will be in normal text, and anything from the story will be in Italics. Just a heads up.
It is on that note that I present to you, the following review, the first I'll contribute EXCLUSIVELY to DPA.
The Angry Diaper Story Nerd: Reloaded
Review 1: The Baby Treatment of Baby Marek
This story fails before it’s even begun, I’ll be honest. For starters, take a look at this pre-intro for a moment.
Summary: When I was 10 years old I still wet my bed every night like a little baby. My mom kept telling me that if I didn't' stop wetting I would become a baby again so it finally happened.
Disclaimer: This is a story about a ten-year-old boy that wets the bed while his other younger brother don't and how his mom takes care of the problem.
Part 1
When I was ten-years-old I still wet my bed every night just like a baby, sometimes I would wet two or three times a night.
Okay, there’re a few obvious problems here. Firstly- YOU RESTATE THE SAME THING THREE TIMES. We get it; the main character wets the bed! Does the author think we’re fucking thick in the head, or is it just that he’s a bad writer? I’m going to go with the latter.
So, instead of being introduced through context and actual decent storytelling to the other main characters, we’re instead given a short passage that the main character (Yet to be named, except in the title… which is weird.) often argues with the 4 year old about who’s more of a baby, him for bedwetting or the 4 year old (Jarryd). By the by, that is the strangest spelling of that name that I have EVER seen. Moving on, the passage tells us that- wait. Wait a second, you guys will NEVER be able to guess this, I guarantee it… THE MAIN CHARACTER IS OLDER THAN HIS TODDLER SIBLINGS, BUT JUST AS BIG AS THEM!
Holy shit, if I had a dollar for every fucking story that had the character description of “I’m older than X, Y, Z, but I’m just as small as them, if not smaller!” I’d be rich. Now, look, I know that this is technically possible. There’s reasons for this; dwarfism, for example! But the issue that I have is that none of these stories use an explanation like that to justify the size of their character! It’s like having a blond haired, blue eyed characters and stating that he has only Native American ancestry; it doesn’t work like that! Genetics are a factor, and when designing a character, one should take care as to the character’s ethnic background, and how it might affect their appearance, as well if the character has any defining features (shortness, for example) and how those features came to be. Also, dwarfism would explain a character that would wet the bed, having an underdeveloped set of sphincter muscles and all. Just sayin’.
The main character’s youngest brother, Ariel (Which, by the way, is a girl’s name last I checked, but hey I’ve seen stranger), is about to start potty training! The mother has a list of rules that must be followed, though, such as no wetting yourself, or your bed, or your training pants; etc etc. The basic rigmarole that we’ve all seen; but of course, the MC has wet the bed constantly, and thus, is subject to nighttime diapering and daytime training-pants!
Now, when a story is told from a first-person-view, it’s usually best not to have the character degrading themselves. In this instance, that still holds true, and the following makes me want to ‘smack a ho,’ if you will.
When I heard that I cried to mom, "That is not fair! I can't stop it, it just happens." She told me she was tired of all the laundry I caused and if I don't stop crying she would give me something to cry about. I screamed, "I will not wear a baby diaper!" and started to through a tantrum just like a two-year-old.
I’m glad to see that the ultra-short, bedwetting, immature MC is capable of calling himself out on how immature he’s acting, only to prove that he is, in fact, acting like a fucking toddler.
The story then leads into a pointless two paragraphs about eating breakfast, and the main character curious about his little brother’s training pants, and oh, he gets padded by his mother for throwing a tantrum. Didn’t see that one coming.
It was summertime and school was out, we lived out in the country our nearest neighbor was two miles away.
Kid, that’s probably because your mother is the kind of strange and abusive ignorant woman who would force their child into urinating and defecating on themselves because of something they couldn’t control; although, technically that’s against the rules of the household and is subject to punishment, the only actual punishment is more diapering. If you’re trying to get your kid to use the toilet, why not force them to sit there for an hour or two each day? Wouldn’t that be a more convenient training method? Earlier on, her excuse for diapering him was that he was causing a lot of laundry to be made. If this is the case, why would you force your child into cloth diapers? Why not disposables? I guess you DO want more housework, eh?
One major issue with this story is the occasional, and abrupt, switch in tense. It goes from past to present on a dime. Like here for example;
We ran past all of our ride-on toys to the sandbox and started to play with our trucks and cars in the sand. We have been playing for about one hour and I had two glasses of milk at breakfast, now I have to pee real badly.
It’s perplexing, distracting, and all-around unpleasant. Moving on, there’s some more completely pointless banter before the main character feels the urge to pee, and subsequently goes to the only restroom in the house, which is of course occupied by Ariel and his Mother. They shut the door on him (assholes) and, of course, he wets himself.
Ariel giggled and mom said, "Shame on you!"
Yes, shame on you son, for being forced into wetting yourself so that the author can conveniently diaper you up properly! How dare you take place in an extremely crude Deus ex Machina!
Ugh; another ‘turn on a dime’ error here, too. Throughout the story, the author was at LEAST able to use proper quotations, something I don’t see in a lot of the stories I review. Now, suddenly, he’s integrating the verbalization into the description parts of his paragraphs.
I cried for my pants she told me babies don't need pants to cover their plastic training pants we need to know when you need a change.
We get some MORE pointless scenes, of course, describing the character being put into plastic pants and more training pants, which he wets TWICE. He’s then forced into diapers, but not before this little piece can be said…
I asked, "What about if I tell you I need to go? Will you take them off?" She said if she has the time she will.
If SHE HAS THE TIME- IF SHE HAS THE TIME SHE WILL. I’m now convinced that the mother is actually just using this as an excuse to put her dwarfism-laden son back into diapers for her own twisted amusement. You know what? I think that’s actually what’s going on here. The mother is actually just nuts, and this is all some kind of sick twisted fantasy she has, Because as far as I can tell, the only antagonist is the mother. The younger brothers are just fucking pointless, they literally serve no purpose, other than to, occasionally, be compared to or to make fun of Marek. And, I know I’m not really using his name that often, but that’s because he’s so bland I feel better just calling him ‘the MC.’ Because that’s all he is; he’s the main character. He’s not a person, he’s not a being. In a good story, you can imagine the characters and cast as actual, real people. That’s not the case here. Instead, what we have are a bunch of stereotypical diaper-centric story characters. And that sucks.
And the best part about the two brothers? Right after the main character is diapered, they’re told that if they make fun of him they’ll be diapered too. They now, literally, serve absolutely no purpose. And that’s not even as bad as it gets. The earlier parts of the story were at least bearable; but no, suddenly, the story takes a crap-turn into Shitsville, because suddenly ‘grammar no matter LOL!’
I looked just like a four or five-year-old and felt just like a two-year-old, too. Mom told me I would need to wear disposable diapers during the day and cloth at naptime and nighttime also on long trips. I cried and mom told me if I cry one more time I would have a pacifier pinned to my shirt. Mom then put a T-shirt that had snaps in the crotch and snapped it closed. She then put a pair of coveralls with snaps in the crotch on me. The cover-alls had Winnie the Pooh holding a baby bottle on the front. My coveralls snapped at the back so I need help to get them off. My thick diapers and other clothes made my walk and move like a toddler.
To make matters worse, the rest of the story is just them going to the store, then a restaurant, and then the main character messing their padding. We also get this little tidbit.
When everyone was finished Jarryd smiled and said he smelled a poopy diaper. Mom agreed and said yes Marek pooped his diaper and needs to be changed before we leave.
I’m glad you can smile when you smell crap emanating from your older brother right after you’ve eaten your food you little ass.
The rest of the story, like a lot of earlier parts, is very plain, drab, and boring- pointless, to be more precise in my feelings for it. Marek is kept in diapers for good, his younger brother is officially potty trained, the father comes home and agrees with the mother (who I’m convinced is a bitch, but at least she and the father don’t argue about unimportant things like whether or not to take their child to a doctor to see if there’s a medical explanation for why he can’t control his bladder or bowels) that Marek should be diapered, and the story ends with exposition that he was, in fact, kept in diapers and treated like a baby from that point on.
Truthfully, though, the first word that comes to mind after reading this story is POINTLESS. It’s a nifty little word, and in this case I think it fits beautifully with the theme here; the theme of FUCKING POINTLESS BANTER. What I can say for this story is that it at least has conflict. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s bad and really boring conflict, but it DOES have a conflict; it’s Marek Vs. Himself and his Mother. Because the mother is a downright bitch, and his body absolutely despises him. I almost feel bad for him, but then I read the story again and realize that I don’t. Other than his height and the fact that he pisses the bed, I have no information on this character! He’s absolutely fucking boring, and does nothing for me as a reader. I don’t feel for him, or his situation. It’s unrealistic, and ridiculous; and because of that I hate this story.
Grammar
The word use and punctuation is mediocre; it has its moments where it absolutely falters, but it also has its moments where it’s able to keep things stable. That being said, there was no complexity, and nothing stood out for me grammatically.
Plot
Stereotypical. Next.
Execution
Each event is simply relayed to us, nothing plays out. The execution in this story is VERY poor.
Believability
There are hints of it, but not enough to where I can give this story much credit for it. It’s mostly unrealistic.
Grossness
Luckily, there’s nothing particularly gross here. I can’t say that the messing or wetting is at all tasteful, but that’s only because it’s extremely bland.
Overall, this story did nothing to impress me, and it’s probably just taking up valuable space on the internet. You can decide for yourself, though, by viewing it on its original page down below, just follow the link!
My final score for this story? 3.5/10.
~One-Seventeen
http://www.deeker.com/Contrib/B/baby...aby_marek.html
