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A Theory... |
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April 1st, 09, 11:06 PM
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#1
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Irony In Action
Pifflestick is offline
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Rapture
Posts: 705
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A Theory...
I have been questioning my personality, the inconsistancies, the contradicting emotions and thoughts... I think I may have a theory.
So heres the conundrum. I have contradictory emotions: I hate and love myself, I hate and love my family, I hate and love cute things. I'm depressed yet happy, I'm angry yet joyful, suicidal yet wanting life. I want to wander and stay in one place, to love and be alone, etc.
Its always been an enigma to me... Until I remembered parts of my childhood I had repressed. I had once been a hippie. I believed in love, happiness, and all that jazz.
So why the switch to depression? Well more stuff surfaced, the beatings, the verbal abuse, the avoidance. I started to form defences in the form of quietness, depression, cynisism, and heavy metal. This line of defenses, although not perfect, helped me survive elementary school. But something happened, the armor fused with the man and I embraced that which defended me as a constant shield.
So eventually, I was happiness wrapped in depression and with my constant trying to repress the horrible memories I blocked out what I once was. So I became the shell.
The hippie still seeped through the metal head exterior and that was the enigma. Now the only problem is how do I seperate myself from the armor without destroying myself or both myself and the armor?
Tell me, what do you think of the theory and what do you think is the answer?
__________________
Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.
-Hawkeye
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April 1st, 09, 11:22 PM
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#2
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formally creed2345
TBinthehoodie is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 5,067
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well i think ur theory is actually a good 1 my answer though isn't there that is a journey that u need 2 go on ur own use wisdom 2 find the answer. with me all i've known more is loneliness and hurt and as much as i want 2 show who i am it leads 2 more hurt in the form of teasing and bullying. i just learn 2 cope with it and mend the 2 together.
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my gamertag is DEADBLACKCODE add me if u want
time to make de chocolate moose
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April 1st, 09, 11:28 PM
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#3
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Irony In Action
Pifflestick is offline
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Rapture
Posts: 705
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creed2345
well i think ur theory is actually a good 1 my answer though isn't there that is a journey that u need 2 go on ur own use wisdom 2 find the answer. with me all i've known more is loneliness and hurt and as much as i want 2 show who i am it leads 2 more hurt in the form of teasing and bullying. i just learn 2 cope with it and mend the 2 together.
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Well I'm not sure I have time for a journey because the shell is alway moving closer to the center, slowly eating away at the real me.
__________________
Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.
-Hawkeye
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April 1st, 09, 11:31 PM
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#4
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formally creed2345
TBinthehoodie is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 5,067
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well i've been stuck with my own shell for a long time. but as i said u have 2 find ur own answer let wisdom guide u
__________________
my gamertag is DEADBLACKCODE add me if u want
time to make de chocolate moose
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April 1st, 09, 11:48 PM
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#5
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Irony In Action
Pifflestick is offline
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Rapture
Posts: 705
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creed2345
well i've been stuck with my own shell for a long time. but as i said u have 2 find ur own answer let wisdom guide u
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Okay then, well would this be an inward journey (through philosophy, meditation, finding God, etc.) or an outward journey (travel)?
__________________
Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.
-Hawkeye
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April 1st, 09, 11:52 PM
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#6
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formally creed2345
TBinthehoodie is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 5,067
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a spiritual journey is 2 b taken
__________________
my gamertag is DEADBLACKCODE add me if u want
time to make de chocolate moose
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April 1st, 09, 11:54 PM
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#7
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Irony In Action
Pifflestick is offline
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Rapture
Posts: 705
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creed2345
a spiritual journey is 2 b taken
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Ah, and what would that require? Shall I start searching for my Bible?
__________________
Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.
-Hawkeye
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April 1st, 09, 11:55 PM
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#8
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formally creed2345
TBinthehoodie is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 5,067
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no use ur thought and wisdom to guide u.
__________________
my gamertag is DEADBLACKCODE add me if u want
time to make de chocolate moose
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April 1st, 09, 11:58 PM
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#9
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Irony In Action
Pifflestick is offline
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Rapture
Posts: 705
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Quote:
Originally Posted by creed2345
no use ur thought and wisdom to guide u.
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I'm not good at using my wisdom...
__________________
Do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, he's somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.
-Hawkeye
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April 2nd, 09, 12:00 AM
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#10
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formally creed2345
TBinthehoodie is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: new york
Posts: 5,067
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well just think and don't look at everything at first glance
__________________
my gamertag is DEADBLACKCODE add me if u want
time to make de chocolate moose
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