To Heal (A private Danganronpa V3 RP)

[LittleBug]

Kaito set his drink aside, putting all of his focus onto Shuichi to let him talk things out. Kaito was a talker, that much was obvious, but during times like this he knew it was best to just listen. So he did, and nothing than giving a nod every now and then, Kaito didn't want to interject too much, at least at first.

"Yeah... It was a lot." Kaito replied. "It makes sense for you to feel that. Even though you didn't die or anything, you watched a lot of us die, which.. sure, someone could say it was your fault, but I don't think so." Kaito spoke with honesty, sitting up against his chair.

"The rules were clear; participate in the trials, or die with everyone else. If you weren't around to save our asses, we would've been dead from the start." He put bluntly. "I mean, we know now that we didn't really die, but back then? I don't think anyone had a clue about that being a simulation from the get-go. You didn't, Kaede didn't... Kokichi maybe, but you know how that little shit is." He chuckled, shaking his head.

"But... I feel you, man. Therapy helps and what not, but it's like.. a stain. Sure, you can wipe the mess off and be fine, but actually trying to scrub it off is just... Hard." Kaito sighed. Hearing how Shuichi tried a lot to get better, he pondered on his thoughts a bit, thinking of what to possibly help the detective out.

"Say... What all have you tried if ya don't mind me asking? Because I might have something that's actually been pretty useful for me that could work for you, too."

[RockyRhodes]

"I know that what went down in the simulation, as far as the killings and other behaviors, wasn't my fault, it was the way the game was set up that contributed to it all" Shuichi admitted, slumping a bit in his chair as he continued on, "But I still had a role and played into everything. Whether it was investigating cases, contributing to accusing a culprit, or not doing enough to prevent future deaths, it does feel like I had a fault in everything..."

He then sighed, crossing his arms as he sat and reflected upon Kaito's reasoning for what happened in the simulation not being his fault, and how he should look at things differently.

"I get that none of us knew what was going on, and that I did have moments where I helped, as we all did, it's just hard trying to move on from everything. It may have not physically played out, but mentally, the effects of it will always be there, and I'll always be reminded of it, no matter how much I try to push past it." He said with a frown as he recollected the many nights full of trauma he had, or his avoidance of others to try and minimize thinking about what had happened.

Upon hearing Kaito's sigh, Shuichi then tried getting back into a more stable position, hoping to not worry his friend too much after explaining everything to him. He was being much more open than he had been previously, but in a way it did feel needed, in a sense.

"Well, I have tried some of the simpler techniques the therapists have recommended, like taking short breaths, going for walks, writing down your thoughts...but they never seem to work. I try to get my mind off of the simulation thoughts, to try a technique that can hopefully take my mind off of things, but it always comes back to remembering what happened." He said solemnly, but hearing that Kaito did have something that appeared to help him out did lead to some intrigue. "What is it that you have been doing to deal with everything?"

[LittleBug]

"I mean... You aren't the only one." Kaito rubbed his neck. "If it wasn't for some of us going and turning against our classmates, you wouldn't have to go and find us out just so we wouldn't get away with it. I don't think it's fair to put the blame on all of you when you were just trying to survive like the rest of us." He said with sincerity, sitting up on his chair with a creak.

"Granted, I wouldn't really blame any of us for what happened. Yeah, killing is bad, no shit, but in a situation where that's your only means of escape and you couldn't really look elsewhere without punishment, I think it's safe to say there wasn't much rationality going on... If that makes any sense. Maybe i'm just talkin' out of my ass."

Kaito hoped to have alleviate some of Shuichi's worries with that. He knew getting over the guilt and overthinking wasn't a simple overnight process, but if he could at least get one step forward, that was a win in of itself. Hearing about what techniques he partook in, Kaito nodded, making note of them.

"Those are nice, but yeah, I can see how they're not the most useful for this." He said. "But if you're looking for something to help keep those thoughts away..."

Kaito glanced around the cafeteria, suddenly looking somewhat secretive and he leaned in some to get closer to Shuichi, speaking in a whisper almost.

"Listen, what I'm gonna suggest might sound weird or silly, so you gotta promise to not laugh at me about it, but... Do you know what age regression is?"

[RockyRhodes]

"I don't think that you're talking out of your ass, Kaito," Shuichi replied, nodding his head as he listened to his friend's rationality on the situation, "What you're saying does make sense as I can acknowledge we all had a lack of rationality, and I can see how that lead to certain behavior displayed in the situation we found ourselves in. I guess I just wish it was never a situation that had to happen..."

He sighed, looking down for a brief moment as if to recollect some of his thoughts and himself after voicing out more then he intended. It was tough, and in a way some of the tension weighing on his conscious did feel like it was lifted, even if by a small bit.

"I guess I just wish it could have all played out differently, or that it could stop looming over me so much... Just have to hope that things get better, right?" He said while still looking down, but after a few brief moments looked back up, showing a bit of a small smile, as if to show that there was some process being made, albeit being small process.

The smile on his face then turned to a look of curiosity by the mention of Kaito having something that could help him ease his mind. There was some initial confusion of seeing Kaito glance around in a secretive like manner, which didn't appear to be characteristic of his friend, but regardless he leaned in as well to hear his friend out.

"Age regression?" He responded, pondering for a moment as though to think about what his friend was referring to. "Well, I am familiar with it as a concept in novels I have read, but never have I heard of it as a therapy technique... why would I find it weird or silly?" He asked, seeming unaware of what it involved in this context, but also showing some interest due to the situation at hand.

[LittleBug]

"Yeah, I know..." Kaito sighed. It was true, at the end of the day if none of this happened in the first place, no one would've gotten hurt. Then again, that also meant that everyone would've never met, at least not so soon.

"Well, you know what they say; the only way out is through, you know? It's hard now, but all we can really do now is just take it a step at a time and see what each day brings us. Together." He smiled with reassurance. Kaito was curious about how such topic was presented in the detective's novels he read, though he scratched at his cheek.

"Well, I dunno if it's the same thing as what's in those books. But in this case, age regression is where you mentally regress to a younger age as a way to like, get your mind off of whatever trauma or stress you're strugglin' with. How young you go can depend, whether it's the age of a kid or straight to being a baby, but it's kinda like letting yourself be little again." Kaito explained. "My therapist recommended it to me after I talked about feeling disconnected from my childhood and... Having sleep issues-" He hesitated on that last bit. "so hearing you wanting to get your mind off of the game, I thought maybe that sounded like something that could work for you."

[RockyRhodes]

“I suppose that you’re right, Kaito. Thanks for saying all of that, I think that was something I really needed to hear at a time like this.” Shuichi acknowledged, nodding along as he sat up a bit more straight, as if to show he was regaining some hope. A conversation like this, while a first step, was a strong step, after all in the young detectives mind. He then focused and heard Kaito explain what age regression was to him as it related to relieving stress, which certainly had the boy thinking for a bit.

“Well, I would say that it’s loosely similar to what I have read in my books, though I am more familiar with the term in a magical sense.” He admitted, thinking of certain plots he had read where age regression was used as a way to regress the body of a individual, sometimes mentally, sometimes not. Regardless he shook his head and got back to the conversation at hand. “It…certainly sounds interesting. I have also been having some sleeping issues, with not getting much sleep, so if it can help with that I do think I would have an interest in it.” He acknowledged, though likely not being aware that him and Kaito had…differing sleep issues.

“I guess the only questions I have are, well, how far do you go with it? I understand the concept of going back to being a kid or a baby, but are you…well,”He paused for a second, looking around to make sure no one was hearing as he leaned forward, “Are you expected to dress and behave like one? You know, wearing diapers, playing?” He asked, showing a hint of embarrassment, but also some curiosity as he asked the genuine question.

[LittleBug]

Kaito was glad to hear their talk helped make Shuichi feel better. Bottling things up could only really do so much, but sometimes even just a conversation with another can do a lot to help alleviate feelings. With that out of the way, the astronaut focused in on the next topic: explaining his coping mechanism to the detective.

"Yeah, it's not really a common way of coping compared to the other stuff professionals would recommend. But it's something that more and more people are lookin' into." Kaito replied. He tried to keep his tone confident and casual, but as the question of things like diapers came up, he couldn't help but blush.

"I-I mean... I guess it depends on the person, but it's something that can help the process along.. 's what I do, at least." He said. "I find doing stuff like coloring, watching cartoons and playing with toys to help me get into that headspace, and... Diapers do, too." Kaito muttered, fidgeting with his goatee. He hated to be so embarrassed to say this, considering he didn't want Shuichi to feel like it was something to be ashamed of, but damn... This was harder than he thought.

[RockyRhodes]

“That explains why the professionals here didn’t bring the idea of regression up to me, seeing as it’s not common.” Shuichi responded, reflecting on some of the more common techniques that the people he met with gave him. He could imagine that a way of coping such as this one would be a tough one for people to accept. It certainly sounded…unique, that’s for sure, if also a bit embarrassing to the young detective.

At the same time, though, he also had to admit that not much else seemed to work out for the young detective in regards to coping and dealing with the stress. And from the way Kaito was explaining his way of using it to deal with everything, it did sound as if this method, even if it was one that would take some time getting used to, could be helpful. He sat in close thought as he took everything in, eventually looking at his friend as he decided on what was explained to him.

“Well, like I said, I do have an interest…even if it’s well, different. I think that I’d be willing to give it a try, though wearing clothing like diapers is certainly going to take some time getting used to…” He said with a pause before doing a bit of a nervous chuckle, followed by blushing a bit as the image of him in such clothing came to mind. He didn’t know if it was going to be a simple transition to make, at-least mentally compared to what he was used to, but he supposed there was no hurt in at-least trying it. Anything to help get his mind off of the current situation, he tried to rationalized in his mind.

“Anyway,” He then said, trying to get the image of himself in such a look out of his mind as he tried to keep some focus, “If I wanted to get a start in trying this out, what would I do? I’m assuming you would have everything needed for it in your room.” He thought out loud as he asked his friend, figuring that this was something he participated in on his own if he was being this secretive about it.

(I figure that this could be where Kaito reveals that Maki is involved with helping him cope/regress. Was thinking that Kaito is mainly being cared for in Maki’s room of the building, like maybe she has her own little nursery set up in her room for Kaito. Didn’t know if Maki should be brought into the cafeteria with them both, thought they could both make their way to her room so Kaito can ease him into stuff, etc, as long as that’s good with you.)

[LittleBug]

(If you wanna have her enter in that's fine, or we can just have the two make their way to her room and she comes in later.)

"Heh, yeah, it definitely took some time for me to get used to." Kaito laughed. "Sorta a mental and physical thing to work with, but once you get into it, it's actually pretty nice!" He assured. It was true, coping through regression did take time to get into, especially if it isn't something someone was familiar with at first. At the very least though, he hoped he could help Shuichi get somewhat adjusted to this bit of lifestyle.

"Oh uh, actually, I don't typically keep my stuff in my room. That's usually in Maki-Roll's." He added. "She's been the one to help take care of me once I brought it up to her, and she actually has a little nursery space in her room. Don't know why it was there.. but hey, we decided to put it to use and it's been useful for me!" Kaito nodded.

"I got a spare key for her place, so we should be good to just head in and I can show you what's there and all that."

[RockyRhodes]

(I’m cool with letting her come in later in that case, yeah. Letting Shuichi and Kaito enjoy some little space on their own, etc. Lemme know when you’d think it’d be a good point to bring Maki in and I can do that, also figure we could use Shuichi eating as a way to transition and cut a bit ahead to them getting to the room.)

“Well, as long as it can help keep my mind at ease and off of the game then I’m willing to give it a try with you, Kaito.” Shuichi reassured, giving his friend a smile. “You’ll just have to excuse me if I’m a bit nervous with it at first, is all.” He then said with a bit of a blush. Something like this was a new, different experience for the detective. He wasn’t sure how he would adjust to this kind of help, if at all, but he was open to giving it a go with all of the good his friend was saying about it. ‘What could go wrong’, he thought to himself.

“That’s certainly convenient that she has a nursery space in her room, it’s kind of like the people here knew that’s how you’d best cope with everything going on.” He said with a bit of a laugh. He was a bit worried with someone else knowing about him trying this out, adding a bit more to the small bit of embarrassment about it, but he also knew that Maki was one of the people that he made a great friendship with in the game. That was what gave him the reassurance in his head that he would not have to worry about her telling others, and just keeping it to the three of them.

“As long as she is alright with me giving it a try, then I would be good to heading to her room. We can probably go now as a matter-“ He was then interrupted by the rumbling of his stomach, which caused a bit of a embarrassed laughter to come out of him. “Well, maybe we can go after I eat some of those pancakes they made.” He said, smiling at his friend.