Conflicting feelings after being out of supplies

[tkb]

It had been a few weeks since i was out of the diapers i had and i was thinking i'm not gonna get anymore for the foreseeable and see how it goes.
But recently i even found myself making fake diapers twice to wear in bed
Well not for real use but for the sake of even wearing something ...
put together with towels,underpants,toilet paper and women period stuffs.

I was even kinda doing it on auto pilot (just like the old days) but after that i felt pretty frustrated and confused

Just today i found out while i was away my parents had suddenly put some bags of laundry in my room so i was lucky i didn't have any visible baby stuff.
If you would have had a box with a plastic bag of dirty diapers now odds are they would have found it and looked into it and i would have been screwed (in some way i donno what would really have happned but something) so excellent timing on my part i guess
But if they had opned a certain drawer they still would have fond a pacifier,baby bottle and baby pouder ... lucky that did not happen either.

This realization however put me even more on the edge of what i should do ?
With also my first ever cuming (in a diaper) it kinda feels like i'm a autstic/clumsy/child-ish teenager that wants to be a baby in the body of a 26 year old.
I had thought i could just get rid of all this stuff for money,heath, being more mature and other reasons.
But another side in me really doesn't want to and would even like to be diaperd/babied (taken care of) 24/7 or at lest keep up what i had been doing in recent years.
So i'm really confused what to even do.
Also i really woudn't want to tell my fetish but i suppose if my parents or sister find out on there own it would be worse.

[Jacie Sparkles]

What you're going through is VERY common. It's the classic binge and purge cycle, and I think almost every ABDL has been through it to some extent at some point.

For the most part, fetishes don't go away... they're too deeply ingrained in our minds, our psyche, our sexuality, etc. There are definitely times when you wish you didn't have them, even times when you think you can get rid of them, overcome them, or whatever. But they almost always come creeping back.

I won't say something like you just have to come to accept it or anything like that, because that wouldn't be helpful. Self-acceptance is something that only comes at your own pace, on your own discovery and so on.

I wish I could give your more helpful advice than that. Feel free to keep sharing your thoughts and feelings here if you find it helps. It's not easy being ABDL, that's for sure. Sometimes just being part of the community can help.

Good luck and hang in there.

[tkb]

Originally Posted by Jaina Senshi

What you're going through is VERY common. It's the classic binge and purge cycle, and I think almost every ABDL has been through it to some extent at some point.

For the most part, fetishes don't go away... they're too deeply ingrained in our minds, our psyche, our sexuality, etc. There are definitely times when you wish you didn't have them, even times when you think you can get rid of them, overcome them, or whatever. But they almost always come creeping back.

Had never looked at it that way but i suppose it makes sense.
And yes since this is the only place i know where i can talk about this stuff it's definitely better then just keeping it to myself that doesn't change the fact that i don't really know what to do with it ...
But as far as sexuality is concerned i have already failed most likely forever.

But giving into it that what extend ? how far do i wanna take it ?
And part of me is not at all okay with this (anymore) ...
But that other part would even want to get cought.
And get the full baby threatment and get pat on the diaper by my parents and sister saying what cute little baby i am.
Or a caretaker or but being made fun off would also give me some pleasures.

Odds are i'm always gonna fight with both ways since they are extreme Opposites between what would be smarter and secret desires.

[Jacie Sparkles]

You have not “failed” sexually, though I completely understand the feeling. I’ve experienced it myself. Human sexuality, though, is so utterly complex I don’t think anyone anywhere has all the definitive information. Who and what attracts us is all very personal and individual.

The only suggestion I can give you on what to do is to err on the side of caution, just to be safe. Maybe try joining the written/online roleplaying scene here. That might be helpful and might give you an outlet to explore some of the things part of you thinks you might wish would happen.